It Wasn’t the End of the World

But it is now the end of the year. Friday night (12/21/12) Zach and I ate our “last meal” and watched Armageddon. Now I’m reflecting on previous posts about what I hoped to accomplish this year. Sidenote: Armageddon is a ridiculous movie. I love watching it, and yes, I shed a few tears, but geez the explosions and small town America symbolism are oozing from this film. Also, I will always love the song I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing. Forever.

As I looked back on the year I was able to do everything I hoped, basically. Grew my hair out, check, got back into the classroom, check, moved closer to work, check, got a bike, check (riding it wasn’t actually on the list, so it happens sporadically). I watched all the movies I wanted to see, read over 70 books, went to workshops, and in the end, I’ve decided for the time being I don’t need a camera when I have Instagram on my phone because it makes everything look awesome.

If anyone is wondering how on earth I managed to read over 70 books since last January 1st there were two ingredients essential to my success: my severe underemployment for the majority of the year and my possession of a library card.

There are some things I attempted and let go of that I need to pick back up. Like finishing my Spanish course on LiveMocha (I got all the way to Unit 2 of Level 4, the highest level, before burning out). I also learned the majority of the Hebrew Alphabet and could read substantial amounts of text (with about 8% understanding of what I was reading) but as they say, I didn’t continue using it so I lost it. That’s a paraphrase, they don’t actually say that.

I also memorized the capitals and countries of Europe, Asia, North and South America and then Africa stumped me. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I never even got to Australia. So I need to pick that back up too. This time I’m just going to stick to countries and capitals and leave off the rivers, water bodies, and mountain ranges. It was a bit much.

Did this in Christine seem ambitious? Yes, yes it did.

So 2012 proved to be a year of many successes and some disappointments. I’m sure it was the same for you and it will be the same for all of us next year. But I want to end on a high note.

In 2012 I was really good at being Zach’s wife. We really like each other, and it’s awesome.

In 2012 I didn’t give up, I took the initiative, pounded the pavement, and got myself a job.



In 2012 I made new friends. And we all know friends are what get you through the day.

In 2012 we got our first Christmas tree and made homemade ornaments. I also carved my first pumpkin for Halloween.



In 2012 I was loved by my amazing friends and family, which really helped a lot.

In 2012 I bought a trench coat (on sale!) and I feel classy every time I wear it.

In 2012 I was accepted into a Montessori teacher training program. I didn’t begin the program because I got a public school job instead, but knowing I got accepted feels pretty good.

In 2012 I learned to bake bread from scratch, and it’s quite delicious if I do say so myself. Must make more.

In 2012 I visited Donalyn Miller’s classroom and she is fantastic.

In 2012 I started drinking water all the time. And I drink tea now, which is a big deal for me.

In 2012 I learned a great deal about myself. A very great deal.



So there’s my 12 of ‘12. I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year!

Let’s Break the Silence with Something Worth Talking About

I have been called a music snob. Actually I’m a snob about a lot of things. But yes, when it comes to music I have certain lines I won’t cross. Justin Bieber is one of those lines. I fail to see the draw. Even Zach gives him credit for selling out Madison Square Garden in 22 minutes, but I can’t give the kid props for mob mentality and a prevalent lack of musical taste in our culture.

Then some friends got me to listen to “As Long As You Love Me”.

(Haven’t heard it? Check it out.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-FVihIlU2g

I’ll admit, the beat is catchy. It’s fun to drive to. It’s also fun to think about. Take the chorus for example.

As long as you love me, we could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke. As long as you love me, I’ll be your platinum, I’ll be your silver, I’ll be your gold.

See? Catchy. As long as I love Justin Bieber, he’ll be my everything. He’ll be like gold to me. Indeed. But what about ME Justin? What about me? Will I be your everything? Am I worth more than platinum to you? *Hint: This song is not about him being loving you at all*

But, you may say, that’s not what he means. He’s going to “be your soldier, fightin’ every minute of the day for your dreams girl”. (First line, second verse. Don’t ask me what the rest of the verse is talking about. What the heck is a Hova? And why are you bringing Destiny’s Child into this?")

Back to the “soldier/fighting for your dreams girl” part. I thought the recent push, since I dunno, 1848, was for women to fight for their own dreams? Most women don’t want to be Cinderella, they don’t want to have to wait around for a guy to do something either. Not that I don’t love fairy tales, I just don’t want to live in one. (Unless I get a sword.)

*I have to give “Big Sean” credit for actually complimenting women in his part of the song. I like the part about watering your grass.*

So while I might enjoy driving to this song after a long day when I don’t want to think about anything, I’m not so sure I would want my daughter listening to it. I’d rather pop in the Mulan soundtrack. And don’t even get me started on the other lines I won’t cross, like Miley Cyrus or the literary fallacies of Taylor Swift (let’s face it, Helen Keller could pin the tail on that donkey.) I’ll never be listening to their music long enough to reach a conclusion.

Like, never ever ever.

I did it again

You might roll your eyes, that’s okay, go ahead…

If Bollywood did The Lord of the Rings…


I think we all know who would be playing Gandalf.

                                               
                                                            Like it could be anyone else.

For Aragorn, Farharn Aktar, I’d like to see him do a mysterious and serious warrior/king role.
                                               

Rajesh Vivek is perfect for Gimli.
                                                   

and Kunal Kapoor would make an awesome Legolas, plus he’s already really tall.
                                                 

For Boromir and Faramir, Saif Ali Khan and Ranbir Kapoor, respectively.
           

And Salman Khan playing Denethor (Steward of Gondor, their dad)
                                           

Theoden, King of Rohan, played by Rishi Kapoor
                                         
I would love to hear him make the speech from Helm’s Deep, when they go to make their last stand.

I think Akshay Kumar would make a fantastic Eomer, strong, warrior, big brother.
                             
And for Eowyn, Anoushka Sharma would be amazing! I’d love to watch her transform from sadness and loneliness to killing the Witch King. I AM NO MAN!

Grima Wormtongue would be played by Milind Gunaji, if you’ve seen him in Devdas you know why.
                                                

Jackie Shroff would make a good Saruman
                                        

And for the elves, Madhuri Dixit for Galadriel. I just love her.
                                               

Aamir Khan for Elrond
                                                      

And Amrita Rao for Arwyn, because she is the epitome of loveliness and this picture was what got me thinking about casting LOTR Bollywood style.
                       

Finally, for the hobbits, these guys are all great actors.
          

   Madhavan as Sam                         Abhay Deol as Merry              Sharman Joshi       
                                                                                                                   as Pippin

And the wild card, because I’ve only seen him in one movie but I think he would be interesting
                                               
Vir Das as Frodo AND Gollum. Partly because I think it would be interesting for him as an actor to tackle both roles and partly because of his voice in Dehli Belly after he’s almost hung reminds me of Gollum.

I tried to use new people for most of the roles, though there are a few repeats from my “If Bollywood Did Twilight” post. You may agree or disagree with my casting but I just like to play around with it when I’m bored or need distraction.

Oh yeah and I’m a tremendous nerd…

Christine and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Year (I think I’ll move to New Zealand)

I’ve decided I’m just going to write this and then when I’m finished maybe I’ll post it. We’ll see. If you’re reading this now then obviously I decided to post, so this entire paragraph is merely to demonstrate my hesitancy to share my deepest darkest secrets with the entire world via the internet.

I’m a very private person so it’s hard for me to open up like this but here it is:

I need a miracle.

Which sounds drastic I know. There are worse problems out there but this one is mine. It’s not a matter of life and death but I don’t care, this is the most important thing right now. God I’m already crying.

I can honestly say that this past year has been one of the hardest years of my life. Ironically our one year anniversary is this coming Monday but I am so blessed to say that being married to Zach has been the greatest gift. Somehow we’ve made it through.

You know I haven’t had a job this past year. Well, I’ve had a nanny job in the afternoons but while I love the kids I can’t afford to stay with them. And it’s more than a little degrading to think that I’m went to college and got a teaching degree and now I’m doing a job that any high schooler with a drivers license is capable of. I’m really, really good at my job, but I need a reliable, full time job.

I’m not sure I can put into words the psychological and emotional effects of not being able to take care of yourself, when you know you’re capable if you could just have the chance. If you’ve ever experienced this then you know and if you haven’t then you don’t. I am so tired of relying on others. And while I am so incredibly thankful to them I want us to be able to do it ourselves. I won’t go into a lot of detail, but I’ll give you one example. This past Christmas, a very generous someone gave me a 50 dollar gift card. The old me would have used it to enjoy a night out or, I don’t know, buy a book or something. We used it to buy our groceries that week.

This inability to provide for our own needs has taken it’s toll on both of us. For me it’s been hard to come to grips with the loss of purpose to my day, the hours of nothing that needs taking care of. I can’t even enjoy summer vacation because I haven’t been working enough to need it. I see this summer stretch out like a vast chain of days with no end in sight. And if I don’t get a job for next Fall, I’m terrified that this year will repeat itself. I’ve applied to nearly 100 jobs so far and haven’t heard back from a single one yet. That’s teaching jobs this year, not to mention the countless non-teaching jobs I applied for, jobs that I’m either over qualified for or don’t have enough experience for.

I don’t want hand outs. I just want a job. I want financial freedom for our family. Have you ever wanted something so badly that your whole body focused on it? Like trying to stop a loved one from dying or a heart from breaking and you’ve done all you can but you’re helpless? That’s the only thing I can think to compare this to.

I want to assure everyone that I’m not depressed. I don’t sit around crying all day and I have had some very good times this past year. I try to focus on the good stuff. But although I’ve made the best of it this year has been hell and I am stuck in limbo.

So I just have one request. If you’ve managed to read this whole thing and if you are a person who believes in prayer, please pray for 2 things:

1. Please pray that I get a teaching job for this fall. I’ve applied to several good schools I just want the chance to get back in the classroom.

2. Pray also for our housing situation. If I get a teaching job there is an opportunity for us that I think will be a major breakthrough. I don’t want to go into details yet but G-d knows what it is.

If you don’t pray but you wouldn’t mind sending some happy thoughts and good vibes our way I’d appreciate that too.

I have my heart set on certain dreams and I’m trying not to get my hopes up but damn, it would be nice to have something to look forward to.

I really do appreciate anyone who’s read this entire post. The introvert in me is screaming not to publish because I have an extreme aversion to asserting myself or sharing my feelings, but I’m beyond that right now.

I feel like I should end on a good note or something. So I'll share with you my desktop background. Ask me what I think Heaven looks like and I’ll tell you, “Probably New Zealand.”

         
This picture was taken by Trey Ratcliff. His website is stuckincustoms.com, and you should check out his photography. I didn’t get paid to say that I just like his work.


**It took me about 5 minutes to come up with a (barely, slightly clever) title for this post, and since I wrote the post first and then titled it, no, I didn’t know the title would end up tying it all together nicely but in a jovial way that doesn’t really give a hint of it's true contents. It is what it is.**

You Jump I Jump Jack

I saw Titanic in 3D today.

The first time I saw it I was eleven years old. Which was a big deal when you’re eleven and it’s a 3 hour movie and there’s nudity and a sex scene in it and your mom tells you to close your eyes. (Seeing it as an adult, that sex scene was pretty tame and I would say tastefully done.)

There are three reasons I know I was eleven when I saw Titanic:

1. When I was eleven I took a dance class and our instructor put the soundtrack on one day during our warm ups. That was why I wanted to see the movie in the first place. My friends had all gone to see it already but I wasn’t interested until I heard the music (more on that later.)

2. When I was in sixth grade those same friends and I would sit in this one place outside after lunch and I remember singing the theme from Titanic during this time while we were out there. (Dork to the core.) Not the Celine Dion song, I mean the “oooooooooooooooo” song from the actual soundtrack, which was my favorite part.

3. But speaking of “My Heart Will Go On” yes, I listened to the radio constantly so I could record it on my radio tape. Luckily it was on the “Top 5 at 9” for several weeks so it wasn’t hard. Also, three words: Junior High Dances.

It really is a good movie. And of course I loved the costumes and the set design. It makes me want to watch Downton Abbey again, which is basically Titanic anyway but without all the water. Sort of.

And can I just give props to Kate and Leo for their performances? Not only were they good in this movie but they continued to be amazing actors and have become the best in the business today, which, let’s face it, was due in large part to their roles in Titanic.

              
                                         I remember seeing it in a magazine (which of course I had to buy).


I was wondering how I would react to it as an adult, 15 years later. I was able to appreciate some things I didn’t catch the first time around. For example, when the big gruff guy is explaining the sinking with a computer program? During the backstory there is a minor character at every checkpoint he presented (Fabrizio is crushed by the falling smokestack, the ship breaks apart right where Lovejoy is standing, etc.) I think being in the room with James Cameron while he wrote the screenplay would have been interesting “What can I do to make sure Jack and Rose stay on the ship right until the very end? Oh I know, I’ll just keep making them run below deck!”


The interesting thing for me about watching it the first time was how emotional I was during the movie. I wasn’t upset because Jack died, I mean I basically started weeping when they locked the 3rd class passengers below deck and just kept on sobbing all the way through the scenes of the old couple, and the mom and her kids. I didn’t cry this time but I will say I did tear up when the musicians started playing "Nearer My God To Thee” during those same scenes. It was traumatic at eleven and it stayed with me for a long time. I used to listen to the soundtrack over and over, thinking about the people on the ship, in a way that only a preteen with morbid tendencies can understand.

Yes I owned the soundtrack, both actually. You didn’t know there was a second one? There was and it’s better than the original. It’s better because it has the piano version of “Rose” and the full recording of “Come Josephine in My Flying Machine” AND most especially because it has the Irish music from the party in 3rd class.  I’m a sucker for bagpipes.

If you’re in junior high and you want all the other kids to think you’re cool you should take piano lessons and then get the sheet music to the theme song of THE movie at the time and casually play it one day in the band hall. Groups of fascinated and shrieking peers will be drawn to you. You’ll have to play it a few more times until the novelty wears off. Unfortunately for today's youth they don’t really have any big songs at the end of movies anymore so this may not work. I think it was more of a James Horner thing anyway (name a film score by James Horner that doesn’t have a big song during the credits and I’ll give you a high five.)

(Nevermind. Braveheart, I’ll high five myself.)

**No memories were exaggerated in the writing of this post.


BONUS!

I get extremely annoyed with people who think they're being smart and clever and say stupid things. Like how there was "enough room" for two people on the "door" at the end of the movie.

1. I don't think it was a door. If you look at it, it appears to be more of a mantlepiece (you know, like above a fireplace) with a lot of heavy carving at the top and a curve at the bottom. Even if it was a door...

2. It has nothing to do with "room". It has to do with buoyancy (the ability of matter to float). Their combined weight on the "door" caused it to capsize when they tried it. Jack saw what was happening and he knew it wouldn't work. They clearly show this in the film.

3. He made the sacrifice for her because he loved her. She was really traumatized by the nights events and he was more clear headed than she was at the time. So instead of calling her a "bitch" you want her to let him  take her spot? Because that's what real men do, they push women they love into freezing waters. It's part of the storyline, and it's the only ending that makes sense.

Even I understood this when I was eleven. *mumbles judgmental expletives*