Lent Day: Something: Inspired, Not Really But At Least It's Something

Some things are easier when you live with someone.

Take eating healthy for example. I am often struck by the urge to buy something healthy like Romaine lettuce or fruit etc. Then I simply let it sit in my refrigerator for about a month until I'm struck by the more attainable goal of cleaning and it gets thrown out.

I think if I lived with another person who also knew the salad was in the fridge it might actually get eaten.

Eating unhealthy is also easier when you live with someone. That way when you bake a cake (like I did this week) you don't have to eat the whole thing almost entirely by yourself (thanks CB and Joel Rudy for the help).

Giving up media is easier when you have someone around to interact with. Between conversations or television I would choose conversation, even if it wasn't Lent.

I miss my roomies from college, Jenny, Ashten, and Tara. Miss going to Walmart on Tuesdays. Chinese take out and movie nights and helping each other with projects, listening to speeches, proofing papers. Yelling at each other and dancing in the living room. Shared excitement over Jane Austen and movies and books and life stuff. Piles of dirty dishes that can't be contained in the sink until we finally break down and load the dishwasher. Having to go into my room for some alone time. Catching certain people singing Disney songs in the shower. Quotes and inside jokes and La Caretta's and Thaddeus and Randall coming over to hang out. Thanksgiving dinner.

I miss living five minutes away from the Schneiders. Two-Movie Tuesdays. The screened in porch and mimosa tree. Talking to Caroline when she got home at night. Watching the sun come up over the field because I didn't go to bed. Drying clothes on the clothesline. Going to the Schneiders for TV night on Mondays and eating dinner with them. Spending hours on the porch swing watching birds and bugs and the breeze. Picking wildflowers. Cooking in a tiny kitchen. Keeping all my clothes in the World's Second Tiniest Closet (Zach currently has the First, it's not even deep enough for hangers). Watching the light change across the floor and walking barefoot on the warm planks.

I spent 2 years soaking up memories because I knew I would need them.

All this being said, I am praying for a roomate for next year.

Lent Day 28: Funny how G-d works

So once I decided to stop forcing change, change presented itself to me.

This past weekend I went to my parents house. My mom and I love to go to Shangri La Gardens. Most people haven't even heard of Orange but Shangri La is a good reason to visit. It's beautiful, tranquil, and incredible. We love going and my mom always brings her camera to take pictures.

To see some of my mom's photographs click here: http://picasaweb.google.com/dinxdeb58/ShangriLaMarch2010#

What was even more interesting was that they just happened to be giving a class that day on container gardening. The exact thing I've been wanting to do for a while now. So we went. Not only did we learn some great information but then they gave us pots, soil, and plants to take home. My pot has marigolds, verbena, chamomile, and basil. My mom has daisies and some kind of climbing flower also. It was such a gift from G-d.

Anyway, so check out this really cool thing I did this weekend: I started my garden!

Shalom

Lent Day 27: Decisions

I've been thinking about quitting my Lenten fast for a few days now. And yes, I pretty much have stopped. I'm a little let down and feeling unfulfilled but that's actually why I decided it wasn't what I should be doing.

I thought that removing Media from my life would force me to radically transform into a butterfly of creativity instead of staying in my cocoon of comfort (my apologies for the corny analogy). Instead I became unhappy, tired, and without growth. When you work long days at a job that drains you the last thing you want to do is come home and have to create something to entertain yourself.

Not to say I haven't learned anything in the past 4 weeks. I've slowed down a bit, quieted myself, spent more time with friends, but also haven't reached my dreams. I mean, I'm sure you've noticed the lack of updates with spiffy titles like "Lent Day Something: Check out this awesome thing I did today!"

My whole life I've been waiting to become that complete version of me, the warrior maiden I envision in my mind. Since childhood I've subscribed to the self-improvement view of life, always wanting to be a Renaissance Woman (renaissance is a hard word to spell by the way, took me several tries just now and then I had to Google it). I have wanted to be, to borrow a phrase, a young lady of "accomplishment" (music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages...something in her air and manner of walking...improve her mind by extensive reading, etc.) so my lists looked something like this:

learn to speak:

French

German

Gaelic

Spanish

needlepoint

ballet

drawing

painting

learn to play:

piano

violin

Now, realize that this is a sample list from when I was about...8 years old. Trust me, my actual lists were far more extensive. A life full of lists. Some of them are checked off, but let's be realistic, some never will be.

How foolish of me to think I could rush the process or take a shortcut on the journey.

I don't know if I'll ever be the eclectic, bohemian writer artist who makes her own clothes, gardens, travels to other countries (whose languages she speaks fluently) with a book filled house and an interesting thing to say on every subject.

I am a fourth grade teacher, who spends her evenings on the internet, watching Bollywood movies, learning Spanish, practicing yoga, who likes travel but misses home, and whose contact with friends and family happens mostly over the phone. Who thinks big thoughts and is never satisfied with who she currently is.

But at least it's real.

Lent 2010 Lesson Learned: Don't rush the process, don't live by rules, learn as you grow.

Shalom

Lent Day 20: Big Questions, Small Thoughts

Today was a long day. A hard day, for some reason. Nothing particularly awful happened at work. But I came home, took a nap, and have thought about nothing else for the past hours since waking up except finding another job, another place, finding something that makes me not feel so drained and frustrated.

For a few years now I've wanted to be a Montessori teacher. It requires it's own training and that takes time and money. So I'm working, I'm saving, and I generally feel like I'm on a hamster wheel, both at work and in the financial department.

It brings the question to mind: where is happiness found?

I know a lot of people who would say you should live for God and others. (Go for the Bronze) but while that is true I think that God put a lot of things in us that we deny because we think it pleases Him if we're not enjoying stuff.

I'm going to ponder this question and these thoughts for a while longer and post each day on a new topic. Some ideas include:

Faith

Love

Comfort

Accumulation

Seeing the World

Learning

Creativity

Work

Rest

Beauty

Moderation

Service

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Life is more than surviving. A friend recently told me, we're not just here to breathe in and out, you've got to enjoy the hell out of it! I think he was very right. Liberty, a rusty word for freedom. Freedom to live your life as you want to. Most of us are wasting that freedom, either because what we want is so base, or because we don't go after what it is we truly want. The pursuit of happiness. Does anyone know what that really mean? What it would take to get it?

I do know one thing though. That a life lived in search of good is a good life.

Shalom

Lent Day 19: Things I'm Missing

The Oscars. On tonight and I usually watch them. Last year I was rooting for Slumdog Millionaire, A.R. Rahman, and Kate Winslet (The Reader is not the best movie but she is one of my favorite actors and I was stoked that she finally won). This year I really just want to see which awards Avatar picks up and I'm pulling for Carey Mulligan. I haven't even seen An Education yet but I wanted to ever since seeing the trailer.

My mom is here with me this weekend. We went into Houston yesterday, went to a Messianic Synagogue for Shabbat, ate at the fantastic Aranda's Bakery and walked around the mall with Joel Rudy. Watching Bollywood movies, painting toenails and having conversations. I love my mom.

Today we made a couple of lists. In light of the Oscars and since I am somewhat of a self-diagnosed amateur expert in the subject of movie soundtracks. Here they are:

Top 5 Movie Scores of All Time (in no particular order):

First Knight, Jerry Goldsmith

If you haven't seen this movie you should, it's really good even though it's one of many Arthurian legend based films made. But the score is amazing, sweeping, and lovely. I can listen to the whole thing straight through over and over. You feel more noble and romantic afterwards.

Gladiator, Hans Zimmer

Come on, Hans Zimmer has to make the list. And while he has many soundtracks giving credit to his greatness, Gladiator was our pick because once again, you want to listen to every song, even if you have your favorites. There have been certain soundtracks throughout the years that I have just had to own. This is one of them.

Hook, John Williams

In the movie score world, John Williams is the best of the best. If you get a hold of a collection you will find plenty to rave about. We chose Hook because it tells the story so well, you'll love every song, and there are such strong themes. The pirates, the lost boys, when Peter realizes who he is. Even though we considered the original Star Wars Trilogy it got bumped for Hook because we don't love ALL of the Star Wars music. Hook is of of those soundtracks that invades the soul.

Titanic, James Horner

The movie may be cliche these days, and the composer (Horner) does regurgitate a lot of his old stuff (I could rant about his lack of originality for a while) however, the score for Titanic tells the story and draws you in. And it doesn't sound like all his other stuff. Which all sounds alike. Unfortunately Horner has been way attached to Celine Dion at the hip for several of his movies, so I think he loses some further credit there. But let me say this: when I was in Junior High I didn't even want to see Titanic. Until I heard them playing the soundtrack in dance class and had to find out what it was. Braveheart is amazing too but then he went back, changed two notes in the theme and plugged it into another movie. Oops, I said I wouldn't rant. My bad.

Meet Joe Black, Thomas Newman

Great movie, great score. I love a good minor chord progression and Thomas Newman is a master. If I were making a movie he would be my pick for composer. He's different and quirky but manages to overwhelm you with his haunting melodies. I love that.

Top 5 Movie Soundtracks (score and compilation, no specific order)

Slumdog Millionaire, A.R. Rahman

Incredibly gifted Indian composer A.R. Rahman bridged the gap between East and West with his music for Slumdog. That first scene where Jamal flashes back to his childhood and the kids are playing cricket. O...Saya begins and you are there, completely in the movie, with these slum children running from the cops through the streets of Mumbai, through alleys, over roofs, colors, people. It's incredible and the whole soundtrack is that way. Excellent storytelling through music.

Moulin Rouge!, Craig Armstrong

Hardly needs explaination. The movie wouldn't have worked any other way. Regardless of it's less than welcome reception by the Powers That Be in Hollywood, Moulin Rouge! sparked a new age for musicals in American cinema. How fun is it to hear some of your favorite songs being used to tell a story? Or as in my case, years later you hear a song on the radio and think "Finally! That's one of the songs they used in Elephant Love Medley, now I know!" Kudos to all the actors for doing their own singing.

Penelope, Joby Talbot

Great movie and music that really painted a picture and fit the style of the film well. Fairy-tale meets modern-indie. Both the movie and soundtrack come highly recommended. Props to Joby's parents for giving their kid an awesome name as well.

500 Days of Summer, Mychael Danna and Rob Simonsen

One of the best compilations. Each song is well chosen to fit the story and engage the listener. There isn't a single song on the soundtrack that I don't enjoy.

Jodhaa Akbar, A.R. Rahman

You've probably never seen it (you should) or heard it (you oughta) but this soundtrack is as epic as the movie. My only sadness is that some of the music from the movie wasn't included on the CD so there are only 7 songs to enjoy. Huzzah Mr. Rahman for making the list twice. He's just that good.

Honorable Mention:

Pride and Prejudice, Dario Marianelli

Absolutely beautiful composer who also did Atonement and V for Vendetta. Pride and Prejudice works so well with the story and makes you feel like you're living in Jane Austen's time. Not only that it makes you smarter, as I used to listen to it constantly while studying in college. If I could've put this on the original list I would have but saying the Top 6 Best Movie Scores just sounds wishy-washy.

Schindler's List, John Williams

Haunting, emotional, iconic. For such a movie about the holocaust there could be no other soundtrack. John Williams with more strings and less brass but still fantastic. Thanks mom for pointing this out.

Golden Oldie:

To Kill A Mockingbird, Elmer Bernstein

The world through a child's eyes, the beauty and romance of one of the best books ever. There's a reason To Kill a Mockingbird is on so many required reading lists. It's soundtrack should be on your required listening list. The Main Theme in itself is perfection. Good luck finding the soundtrack though, they're hard to come by.

Okay, this post is long enough. Go forth and prosper, watch the Oscars for me, and as always

Shalom

Lent Day 14: Frustration and Stagnation

Two weeks into Lent and I'm already frustrated. Not about being unable to turn my tv on or listen to music. But because I find myself unmotivated to do all the great things I've planned.

I mean, aside from studying Spanish, yoga, being more social, I haven't accomplished anything on my list. Why am I like this? Why am I not sewing, starting my garden, and writing?

I lack the self-discipline and inspiration to do what must be done to accomplish my dreams.

I remember when I was a little girl I really wanted to be a writer. Sure I wanted to be an artist, chef, teacher etc. but writing has consistently trumped all through the years. Yet aside from this blog, a few posts on facebook, and a couple of stories written for a creative writing course a couple of years back...niente.

Partly I think this is because of laziness, distraction, and procrastination. But I also think it has something to do with fear. Will my writing be any good? Will anyone ever want to read it, let alone publish it? I'm not the type to seek fame so I'm not sure why I've always wanted to be a writer. Then again, in all the stories about great writers, it seems like they were passionate about writing from the get go. From an early age they were scribbling away.

Whereas when I was a kid and writing was my goal I shut myself in my room for an entire day (I packed a lunch) and told my parents I was going to be writing all day. I didn't. I feel like I'm doing it again except this time the grown-up me is shutting herself up in her apartment for Lent. If I haven't been writing since a young age maybe I'll never do it.

On top of all this, I've always had this inner sense of accomplishment (without any work to really show for it) that I could be a great writer. Better than many who are published today (I really am a literary snob). Maybe I don't write because, secretly, I'm afraid my pride will bite me in the butt.

I think this is what my Lent this year is really about. Will I go for my dream or not? Will I actually put fingers to keyboard and do something or will I emerge on April 4th once again with nothing to show for it?

I realize that some of these thoughts are a little overdramatic but they are also constantly on replay in the back of my mind. All the time in the world won't change me. I have to be the one to do it. It's like that quote about our deepest fear being that "we are powerful beyond measure". That's exactly what I've always felt like. Like I have something amazing and great within me but I'm always holding myself back from it, not knowing how to get there.

May you go out to meet your dreams with confident strides. I hope I can do the same. Until then,

Shalom

Lent Day 13: Happy Holi

There is a festival every year that I had never even heard of until I started watching Bollywood movies. It's called Holi, the Hindu festival of color, celebrating the triumph of Good over Evil and the coming of Spring.

Holi is celebrated every year by masses of people who fill the streets and cover each other with bright colored paint. It's gorgeous and looks like so much fun. Here are a few pictures:

The paint waiting at the market.

Throwing color on friends and family is a symbol of wishing them happiness and good fortune in the coming year. It can get a little rowdy (or so I read) but still looks amazing. Here's a video from the movie Mohabbatein (great movie) that takes place during the Holi festival. Just look at all the colors!

Anyway, one day I'd love to experience it for myself. Until then,

Shalom