So you clicked on my link, maybe thinking you're going to get some spicy details of my recent honeymoon or tips on how to please your whoever. Nope, sorry. It's called a private life for a reason. However after thinking over the idea for a couple of weeks and talking with Zach (my new husband awwwww) I thought I would write a post about sex (yes, sex) and my top ten list of things you should remember.
Some things you should know about me first:
My husband and I were virgins when we married.
Yes, we're in our mid-twenties and were STILL virgins.
We've been married 2 weeks.
So no I'm not a sex expert, by any means. But I am having it now so I think that counts for something.
Basically this is just a heads up for the few, the proud (or should I say impatient), the virgins who are still out there. Let me also start by saying that although I was a virgin until marriage I am not in any way trying to push an agenda with that. Do I think it's a good idea? Yes, absolutely. But some people may not choose to wait that long. If you don't (along with the following) I have just 2 things to share that I fully believe with all my heart.
Number 1: Even if you don't wait til marriage, at least, definitely, absolutely wait for someone who loves you and who you love. Notice I didn't say wait until you love them. It's important that they love you too. You are worth a lot more than someone else using YOUR love to buy THEMSELVES sex. You should love each other. Because I can't imagine doing something like that with someone who doesn't.
Number 2: You better be on birth control. There's no reason to not be on birth control if you are going to have sex and I don't mean condoms. No one really wants the title of "baby daddy" or "baby momma" in real life. Unless you are fully prepared to be parents. More power to you.
Okay so here we go. "A Recent Non-Virgin's Advice To Those Still Waiting" alternately titled "Things I Wish Someone Had Mentioned 3 Weeks Ago".
If you've ever read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe, you can probably figure out what my first advice is going to be. Always bring a towel. Sex is messy, you'll figure it out. (That should be your mantra by the way, Sex is messy but you will figure it out).
And on that note my second advice is pee first. You'll be a lot more comfortable if you can focus on enjoying the moment and not, you know, holding it. You need to be relaxed, going to the bathroom first helps.
Ladies, no matter what your man says about the minimum amount of time it will stay on you, guys like lingerie. Go to Victoria's Secret, pick out something you feel comfortable in, and trust me you will feel sexy and he will appreciate it.
Before things get hot and heavy make sure you have some lubrication purchased and waiting on the nightstand. It helps. Also I would start with the normal kind, not the kind in commercials. You need to figure out sex first before you start trying to amplify anything.
I'm sure you've heard this before but if you're wondering how sex feels the first few times I'll tell you: uncomfortable. Not for guys probably, I'm pretty sure they enjoy themselves every time but for girls it's kinda weird. Maybe not for everyone, there's always hope, but yeah, uncomfortable, awkward. That's why the love part is important. If you love each other you'll be ready to work through the awkwardness.
Speaking of uncomfortable, wait, you might be thinking, but when does it start being awesome? And the answer is I have no idea because everyone is different. But I can tell you that everything you may have seen, or read about sex (especially in movies) is pretty much bonk. Newsflash Number 6: There is no supposed to. You are not supposed to look like Mila Kunis or Ryan Gosling. You are not supposed to be a sex pro. It will not be like what you imagined right off the bat. There's no reason why unreasonably high expectations should stop you from feeling comfortable and having fun.
Another thing: there might be a lot of jokes from your friends when you start having sex about what goes on in your sex life or you might get the sneaky suspicion that everyone thinks newlyweds (or whoever) never get out of the bedroom. This isn't true. Sorry to burst that bubble. Getting married, or having sex for the first time does not flip a switch and turn you into a wild sex machine. I wish it did, honestly, and for some it might (oh you lucky you) but let's face it, there is a reason everyone goes on cruises or to resorts for the honeymoon. Sex isn't the only thing you're going to do.
Now pay attention cause this is important: don't put a lot of pressure on yourself or your partner to be a sex-god the first time around because it's perfectly normal to be a normal-sex-person. If you haven't heard that yet google it. Why do you think the internet is so full of sex advice? Why does Cosmo have sex tips in every issue? Why is Viagra necessary? In a culture that promotes sex like it's the meaning of life apparently we need some help to achieve greatness.
I think the best thing you can do is to talk about it with your partner. Be honest, not bashful. If you're going to let them see you naked you should also trust them with your desires and doubts. But my final advice is, don't publicize what happens between you and your someone. It is nobody else's business. Then you can trust each other and enjoy intimacy, without worrying if he's going to be bragging to his friends or if she's going to be gossiping about your moves to the girls. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Or anywhere else you choose to have it.
Now I know after reading this that I may have offended some people. Maybe you don't think I should be writing about this topic at all or maybe you think I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe you've been having sex for a while and none of this fits your experience or maybe it's just not what you wanted to hear. I'm sending it out into the world anyway. Because maybe, just maybe, it will help someone or validate them in some way. And if it does then I'm glad I shared it.
