A Realization

This blog is not going to be about the thing I thought it was going to be about. That will have to wait. 

Tonight I had a startling realization. It happened when I was unloading the dishwasher.

You see Zach is about to go to bed. And I randomly decided that I would put the dishes away when I noticed a pan he had used a couple of days ago still in the sink, waiting to be cleaned. It annoyed me, that he hadn't cleaned it yet, like it was my job to clean his dirty dishes even though he's been off work for the past two days. He could have done it but he didn't, and part of me wanted to get upset and chide him about it. That's when it hit me. 

It's not his to clean. He's the one with the 9-5 job (sort of). He's the one bringing in most of the income. He's the one who is on his feet for hours a day, dealing with customers. While I sit at home on the computer, or sleeping until noon, before I mosey over to my part time nanny job. He shouldn't have to clean it. I have no right to be upset with him if he doesn't wash some dishes, or if I feel like all the cleaning and laundry falls on my shoulders. So what if the porch didn't get cleaned off yet. He needed the rest because he's the one with a job.

I have nothing else to do. This is my job. I'm a housewife. 

A housewife.


                   


I've never considered myself a feminist, I don't hate men, I wouldn't even categorize myself as a career woman. I don't want to have kids right now because I don't want to have kids right now. Not because I was planning to run the country or anything. But I never depended on anyone else to help me pay the bills. I was raised to be independent and capable. College was not optional. You go to college, get a job, get married fine, but you don't stop working just because you're married. You need 2 incomes to make ends meet, you do something purposeful with your life, you contribute to society. It's ingrained in me. I do not feel like I am doing anything with my life. I expected more. A lot more than dishes. 

Please don't think that this is a rant against my husband. He is absolutely wonderful (just a little messy, not that bad as far as boys go) and has been nothing but supportive and encouraging. My being in this situation has nothing to do with him. But it is a sobering thought. 

I have nowhere else to be, nothing else to do, for the majority of my day. If there is something that needs to be done around the house I might as well do it because I'm not responsible for anything else. If I was raised to be independent and capable then this is what I have to take care of. I have no salary to help pay the bills anymore, I have nothing demanding my time and attention. Sitting around all day wishing I could find a job and feeling sorry for myself is not going to get the dirt off the floor. 

This is my job. My only job.

I have nothing against housewives or mothers for that matter. What you lose in sleep, you make up for in love, I get it. I understand it's a full time responsibility. I just never thought it would become my full time responsibility. 

It's incredible really. I have a new-found sympathy for guys who ask girls out, get rejected and keep trying (strange I know) because I keep trying and trying but can't find a job (Maybe it's a similar feeling? Or maybe I'm just being condescending.) I also realize that as much as I say I would like to, I would never really want to be any character in a Jane Austen novel. Sitting around waiting to be married and then getting married (to a wonderful man) and running a household, with no problems to solve outside of those four walls. I'd go crazy. I am going crazy. I'd much rather be Jane Austen herself, a woman who did something, even though it was the path less traveled by. 



I have no idea if I explained this right. This is just a hard adjustment, mentally. 



Sorry if this is a downer. If it makes you feel any better (like if you're sadistic and enjoy me getting creeped out) I was informed today by the neighbor that there are a lot of tarantulas outside. And then I saw two tonight for the first time ever (live), up close and personal, and consequently have decided never to go outside again.

A Confession with Multiple Rabbit Trails (and a Lot of Stuff in Parentheses)

(Disclaimer: This is not actually a religious post, I'm just weird and that's how I'm starting out today. Also, did you notice? Already starting out in parentheses. Yep, there's gonna be lots.)

Which of the 10 Commandments is the hardest for you to keep?

If I had to choose I'd say it's Number 10, Thou Shalt Not Covet. I feel sometimes like G-d tacked it onto the end because A) He wanted to make my life difficult and B) He has a thing for even numbers. I don't really have a problem with the other commandments. No G-d but G-d, no idols, don't take His name in vain, and keep the sabbath are not very hard. And I don't have a problem with not stealing or not committing adultery or not killing someone because I don't want to do those things. Also I don't lie and I love my parents. So up until No. 10 I was doing pretty good.

Then WHAM! Don't want what your neighbor has. And the first thing mentioned is their house. The other stuff, my neighbors wife, his yard, his animals, his slaves (thank G-d the neighbors don't have any slaves, it'd be weird) are non-issues. But houses are my weakness, even parts of houses can do me in.

I'll give you an example.

(Let me explain, no there is too much. Let me sum up.)

(The nerdy side of me wanted to use that quote but this really is going to be more of an explanation than a summary. I just included it so other nerds out there could have something to smile about. If you smiled you're welcome. You're also a nerd, in case you didn't know. Totally a compliment.)

This is where the real gist of the post begins.

Last night I was on the computer and when I looked up I saw the most glorious pink light coming through the windows. I rushed outside to see the sky and it was, indeed, amazing. I sat on the porch with the dogs for about an hour while the sky turned from brilliant pink to gold to dark blues and grays. Thunder and lightning and wind. It was incredible. Others in the neighborhood were out enjoying it too. I loved every minute of looking at the sky.

I did not however love every minute of looking at my porch. Why? Because my porch is...kind of...ghetto. There's no other word for it. To be politically correct I'll go with neglected. It's sad really. I would take a before picture but I don't have a camera. (I even Googled "ghetto porch" but none of the pictures were as bad as our porch.) There are 2 lawn chairs, a rolled up rug (there when we moved in), a box of random stuff belonging to Zach, and a broken porch swing that's way too big anyway. And by broken I mean it's the kind that can stand alone in your yard but someone was sitting on it recently and one of the chains broke. It wasn't us.

(You might be wondering where I sat for that hour on my porch. On the broken swing. How? Very, very carefully.)

So in anticipation of this week's project aka The Great Porch Overhaul I decided to post some delightful pictures of porches I wish were mine.



                       



                    

In fact, someday I intend to build a house that has identical porches from all of these pictures. That's right, all six of them on one house.


                                 



                    

I can't decide if it will be a hexagonal house or just a house with a wrap around porch on the first and second floors. Excessive?

       



           



I call it Porch Envy, and I've had it all my life.


So to wrap this up, someday when I have a porch like one of the above then I will be perfect. Until then, I'm hopelessly flawed. Porch Envy being my only negative quality. (HA!)



I'm thinking I'm gonna go with one Mother of All Porches including 4 rocking chairs, 3 porch swings, and the hammock. Yes?

Speaking of Skittles

At camp a couple of summers ago, my Co and I had a serious discussion about the hierarchy of Skittles. (This is where I give a shout out to Paige, THAT’S MY CO!)


               

For most people, both kids and adults, there is a certain method to the way we eat our favorite foods. For example, I dump a handful of Skittles out, and eat then in order from least favorite to most favorite until there are exactly 1 of each color left and then that’s my last bite. I’ve done this since I was a kid. And yeah, sometimes I mix red and green or something for a cherry-limeade vibe but that’s basically how it goes.

Yes, we’re back to the significance of color in candy from our childhood. Now pay attention, this is important stuff.

Many people (not all but a good majority) will most likely pick red or maybe purple as their favorite Skittle flavor. Ask anyone and they will probably give you their personal ranking for Skittle flavors/colors.

Mine is red purple yellow/green orange.

I could go either way on yellow or green really. It may depend on my mood. Am I in a limeade mood or a lemonade mood? It’s anybody’s guess.

Here is where this becomes socially significant:


You can tell how much someone likes you by what colors they offer you from their Skittle bag.



This is especially true for kids. They will pick through and offer you their least favorite a lot of the time. Some people try to be fair and just dump a few out and hand them over, no sorting or anything. (But also probably a pang of regret if you had a few too many of their favorite color in that hand.) And if someone gives you all their reds or THE LAST RED? Wow, they really think you’re something special.

If we applied this to an adult situation it would be something like this:



Except in our version Derek is the leader of a Power Ranger Club and Meredith wants to be in it. Specifically she wants to be the Pink Ranger except Addison does too.

Meredith: I lied, I do want to be in this club. I want to be in this club a lot. Your choice is easy, her or me. And I’m sure she’s really cool and she does have that tree house. But Derek, I like you. In a really really big, swear to never tell on you, let you have the last red Skittle, make a friendship bracelet for you, stupid way that makes me want to hit you…like you. So pick me, choose me, let me be the Pink Power Ranger.


Right?


So next time you want to tell someone how special they are to you, say it with Skittles.



This same theory can probably be applied to Starburst.

pink red yellow orange

Jell-O and Smarties

I have no reason to tell anyone the following except

1. I am bored and feel like writing.
2. It takes my mind off things.
3. I seem to be on a bit of a nostalgic trend.
4. I thought about this today. Again, randomly. Well, I did eat Jell-O.

That’s right, you guessed it. Dorky quirks from my childhood.

Dorky Quirk Numero Uno:
You’ve seen Mary Poppins right? (If you haven’t then this next part will just seem gross and weird, if you have…awesome maybe and probably still gross.)

For those who haven’t seen it, a video:




Back to my childhood quirk; whenever I ate Jell-O, I would strain it through my teeth until it was liquid-like and then put it back in my spoon so I could pretend it was medicine from Mary Poppins.

So yeah....that was AWESOME...


Dorky Quirk Numero Dos:

I also used to pretend that Smarties candy were magic pills that gave you abilities, except not like super powers.  If I remember correctly it went something like

Red = beauty
Purple = smart
Green = rich
Yellow = kind
White = honesty
Orange = energy or something. I never really favored orange so it didn’t get an awesome power.

                


Oddly enough I never did this with Skittles or M&M’s. Probably because the powdery quality of the Smarties reminded me of vitamins, except they taste way better.


It should be noted that the effect wasn’t immediate. It was more like “Take your Smarties so you can grow up to be beautifulsmartrichkindhonest and energetic.”




Sometimes, I wish the things I thought up when I was a kid were true.

Yes, I've Always Been Like This

 
If you push play, then read aloud, pacing yourself, this might work:

There are some moments in life that you remember always. Moments that bury themselves inside and are forgotten, until years later they resurface without reason. And what happened may not have even been significant or meaningful on a large scale, it may not change your life or your nature, in fact it probably won't. But when you rediscover it you're glad you kept it, because it's yours.

I was ten years old, riding with my mom in the car on the way to school. Our drive was across town, from our trailer in West Orange to my mom's work in Little Cypress. We always took MLK because there were fewer stoplights and also because it was more scenic. We were listening to music. Music from a soundtrack, which just goes to show that even at a young age I had a nerdy side. It's in my roots. I was familiar with the music of Michael Kamen (Robin Hood) and Jerry Goldsmith (First Knight) before I was aware of NSYNC's existence. But this particular day we were listening to Randy Elelman, DragonHeart, number 4, To the Stars. 

Now imagine being ten, and you're listening to this music, staring out the window at the trees, daydreaming. If you've ever driven North on MLK in the early morning you know what I'm talking about. There's just a little light in the sky and the woods are still asleep. This music is carrying your ten year old self through the sky. 

You are heroic, you are uninhibited, you are infinite. 

Then, just at the right moment you come around the curve into the fields beyond the woods and there is the sunrise. It appears at exactly the right moment in the music and floods your mind with golden light and magic and takes your breath away. 



I will always carry this moment with me. I couldn't believe it happened. I tried over and over every morning to recreate it, to get the music and the world to align in perfection, but it never did. 

And I had forgotten it, until this week, when I decided to share it with you. I hope your life has moments like this too. If you have, I’d love to hear them.

Tesseracts and Moats (or “Why You Should Vote for Me as the Next Governor of Texas”)

This weekend I finally had a chance to go home and visit my parents and let me tell you, it was so nice to be out of the city. I have tried it for 2 months and it has been confirmed that no, I am NOT a city dweller. At least not this city and not long term. But I digress. As I drove across my state several thoughts crossed my mind.

Thought One: I figured out that one of the main problems facing Texas is that it's just so damn big. No, I didn't say too big, there's just so much of it. The problem is we decided to build a interstate/highway system instead of incorporating a tesseract system between cities. If you don't know what a tesseract is, stop reading this and go find a copy of A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle and read that. No seriously her book is way more important than this post, I'll be here. Read it? Good. I think we can all agree that tesseracts are the way to go. At least in Texas. I can't think of any New England states who would care.

I realize that what she's describing in the book is more of a wormhole and not actually a pure mathematical representation of a four dimensional cube. Take it up with Madeleine. It's still a great book and a great idea. 


 
Thought Two: I was lucky enough to drive through the first rain I've seen in about 3 months and it was lovely! This is why I belong in the country, I love just sitting (or driving) in nature, just looking at a lot of green stuff and trees and skies that are an awesome mix of blues and grays and the smell of rain. I miss that. I need that. Sitting (or driving) though miles and miles of suburban sprawl as far as the eye can see just doesn't do it for me. Shucks. 

But the rain, the rain was so nice. However it does lead me to my Third Thought:

 
Dear Driver Who Slows Down During a Light Drizzle,

Stop it. What are you doing? The speed limit did not go down 20 miles just because it started to sprinkle. It's not even a thunderstorm. Most of the water on my windshield is what you are casting off in my direction. You have three options: Stay at home during inclement weather, learn to drive in it, or get to work on my tesseract idea. Now kindly move over so I can pass you.

Sincerely,
Me

 
Some Happy Thoughts from the weekend include:

I love my parents. They constantly overwhelm me with love and support and I am very blessed and thankful to be their daughter.

Eating Chicken Bryan at Carabba's renews my hope in mankind's ability to do things right.

Weather that dips below 90 degrees (or you know, even 100 is nice too) will change your outlook on life.
 

Ironically on the drive back I was surrounded on almost all sides by skies full of smoke. Not a good ending to my nice weekend. Not a good day for a lot of people. What can you do in times like these? Pray. Then roll up your sleeves and get to work.

So to anyone who reads this please be careful, enjoy what you love, and drive with common sense.
 

You may also want to start digging a moat around your house.