Happiness

Always seems to be around the corner. Or floating down the river. Or, maybe, it's just around the riverbend.

Are you happy? Right now, where you're sitting? How would you describe your day? No one is happy 100% of the time right? But are you happy 80%? Fifty? Why? I would say that I'm probably happy 60 percent of the time. Maybe.

There are 2 things that stipulate how happy we are. When and If. Because our happiness is usually based on something we hope will one day happen (I'll be happy when I move to such and such a place, get such and such a job, own such and such a thing). So our happiness is deferred.

What about being happy right now? Today? That's where If comes in. I'll be happy if my students pay attention to the lesson and cooperate with each other. I'll be happy if I watch this movie tonight. I'll be happy if this traffic moves out of my way. I'll be happy if Wal-mart doesn't take too long.

When and If. We are very conditional creatures. We even have conditions for our own happiness.

I've had the thought lately, that the best thing we can try to do with our lives is to try to be happy on our journey, helping as many people as we can and hurting as few as possible. No matter what religion, nationality, whatever, I'm pretty sure everyone could agree on this. If we could all choose our goal in life, wouldn't you choose to be happy and to help others more than you hurt them?

I'm pretty sure Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha and all the others would say "Great idea! Go do it! God will help."

So what's stopping you from being happy? Try not to think of it in conditional terms. If you weren't in school you'd be working and you would still have to do things that you don't want to do. If you had a different job there would still be challenges and you would still have bad days. When you get married or finally have a significant other you'll still feel lonely and misunderstood sometimes. There are things that you cannot control. Duh, right?

THERE ARE THINGS YOU CANNOT CONTROL.

There are things you cannot control.

Things like natural disasters, government policies, other drivers, your boss, your better half, your friends, your professor, the economy, taxes, your favorite characters on tv, traffic lights, daylight savings, whether or not your favorite team will win, the weather, and countless other things.

Yet everyday what do we dwell on? What do we talk about? We mostly talk about the things we cannot control. That or what happened on something we just watched.

The only thing you have control over is you. Your outlook. Your thoughts. Your choices. Your time (as least some of it).

So try this: breathe, smile, repeat. At least that's what Thich Nhat Hanh suggests. I've only read the first few pages of his book "Peace is Every Step" but he makes a lot of sense. If you don't know who I'm talking about you can read about him here.

One thing he said that I really like "Of course, thinking is important, but quite a lot of our thinking is useless." Pretty smart guy.

So stop, breathe, smile, repeat.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry, be happy.

Trendy

So this weekend I went shopping with my mom for winter clothes. Not that the weather shows signs of turning anytime soon but it's always good to be prepared.

I realized on our excursion that I am not, nor is there much chance of my ever being, "trendy". I can't pull of certain looks. Saturday I tried on shirts that just were not me at all. They would look awesome on friends of mine who are more what I would call, fashion forward. I haven't found a plaid shirt yet that I both looked and felt good in, and it's been over a year since they were in style. I'm not one of the hat people (my head is too big) or the vest people (how does one pull that off?) or the big jewelry people (I wear the same jewelry every day and it's all stuff people gave me so I'm sentimental about it).

I am a scarf person. At least I have that.

The problem I foresee is that all the clothing in the women's sections is Trendy. Well, Middle Aged Trendy but still. What to do? Currently I try to shop in the Junior section without looking like a teenager. I shop at the "in-between" stores like Gap and American Eagle so I won't feel too old but not look like a girl from Hickory Tri.

The only solutions I can see are

A: Learn to sew my own clothes. Not really sure that would really help because what would I make?

B: Start wearing clothes like LOTR which I would do anyway if I could cause it would be so epic.

See the epicness?

Or C: move to India and wear saris for the rest of my life. I think this is the best option. Then no matter what age or size I grow to be I'll always be in fashion.

Aren't saris lovely?

Anyway, though I will never be a trendsetter I did stumble on an interesting site about fashion a few weeks ago. Interesting reading if you've got some time. Maybe it'll even help bring me into the next phase of my life.

Grownup-hood

Shalom

Food for Thought

I've come across a couple of things today that I'd like to share.

1. Teach: Tony Danza.

No he's not a student, the famous actor from Who's the Boss did a year of teaching English at an inner city high school in Philadelphia. I've only seen clips but it looks really interesting and I plan to watch the whole show (which I believe is only 7 episodes long). I can't embed a video apparently but here is a link:

http://www.aetv.com/teach-tony-danza/video/?bcpid=593268872001&bclid=618442226001&bctid=618716302001

2. The King's Speech, looks like it's going to be a great movie. There's already been Oscar buzz from what I can gather. One of those inspirational dramas before the frothy Christmas season begins.

The King's Speech - #1 Trailer
Uploaded by hawkbcn. - Watch the latest news videos.

People who are well off and successful but still remain humble and willing to serve inspire me. have a fantastic weekend.

Shalom

Fire and Ice

by Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire
Some say in ice
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire
But if it had to perish twice
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice

Just a thought.

Many people believe that the opposite of Love is Hate. I disagree. Both are fueled by passion, by a fire in the heart. The opposite of fire is ice, so the opposite of Love is Selfishness, that which makes us cold to the world. When we can turn a deaf ear to a cry for help and a blind eye to the suffering of others.

I think that when Messiah comes he will turn all flames to those of Love and the Ice will melt away. If our G-d is a consuming fire then let the world end in His Fire of Love and not the Ice of our own Selfishness. I think we have a choice to make.

If the world is going to end, will it be by our own hand or by G-d?

How do you want the world to end?

I hold with those who favor Fire.

Shalom

Dating Games

Gentle Readers,

The following is a list of my advice about boundaries in relationships. I will not write anything that I have not personally experienced or observed.

1. If you really like a guy and he flirts with you for months and everyone says it looks like you're in a relationship but he hasn't actually asked you to be his girlfriend...you are not his girlfriend. He probably just sees you as a friend and will continue to do so.

2. If you have been hanging out with a girl a lot, spending hours on the phone and one-on-one time, she is probably waiting for you to tell her you're in love with her. If you are in love with her grow a pair and speak up. If you are not, grow a pair and speak up. Then leave her alone so she can recover.

3. If a guy or girl has an absent (or present) significant other but still flirts with you it is not, under any circumstances, okay for you to seek them out. Respect the relationship. Respect yourself. Do you really want to be with someone who flirts with everyone anyway?

4. If you are in a romantic relationship with someone and another person very clearly flirts with you, makes a pass at you, etc. do not tolerate them. Do not give any encouragement to them or to any suggestions of other people you might be interested in or attracted to. Respect your relationship.

5. Do not be the person who makes the pass at someone in a relationship.

6. If you are not sure if you actually want to pursue a relationship with someone or if you have just met someone but have not established an actually relationship with them it is not okay to do any of the following: hold hands, cuddle, sleep or nap in the same bed, make out, etc. If you're not sure you even really like someone why would you show physical signs of affection to that extent? You need to have an honest conversation. Just because you are awkward or horny is not an excuse.

7. For those who are confused and need a script, a conversation that establishes a relationship might sound something like this:

Person 1: I wanted to talk to you about something important to me. You. I really enjoy spending time with you and I was hoping/wanting to ask you if you would be my girlfriend/boyfriend (use your own judgement about who should do the asking).

Person 2: Yes that would be lovely/no, I'm sorry I spent all that time leading you on, that was really mean/stupid of me. I thought we were just friends.

8. If you have a best friend who gets into a relationship who is of the same sex go to Section A. If your best friend is of the opposite sex go to Section B.

Section A: be supportive but realize that half if not more of your bff's time is going to be spent with their new bf or gf. This is natural. It has to happen and that means less time for you. It doesn't mean your friendship is no longer important. Give your bff time to adjust and find a balance. If they cut you out of their lives completely either voice concern and wait it out or move on.

Section B: It is no longer okay for you to spend hours talking on the phone and spending one-on-one time with your bff. It's weird, territorial, and it's going to make everyone awkward. In fact, if you or your bff want to get into a healthy relationship ever, it's best to start weaning yourself now and make some friends with the same sex organs as you. Yes it's blunt and you're probably really indignant, defensive and angry right now. The truth hurts.

9. If you are now in a romantic relationship and you have one or more close friends of the opposite sex you need to put some distance between them and you. Let me explain 2 things.

"Close Friends of the Opposite Sex" means someone you spend hours talking to via chat, Skype, text or phone daily or weekly, someone you hang out with on a daily basis, someone whom you have had romantic feelings for in the past or who has harbored romantic feelings for you in the past.

The reason you need to do this? Because your closest confidant of the opposite sex needs to be your partner. If it is not it will undermine their connection to you and put your relationship in jeopardy. I don't care if they said it doesn't bother them, it does. This is especially important if marriage is or ever will be part of the dialog. Respect your romantic relationship and put more value on it than on your other relationships with members of the opposite sex. If you really want an outside perspective make more friends who are the same gender as you.

10. DO NOT enter into a romantic relationship with someone if you are in love with someone else. Especially not marriage. No one will be happy. Unless the one you love has died, you +someone else+rejected lover=tragedy

Media and examples that will only prove my point:

When Harry Met Sally

I Love You Man

Pride and Prejudice

He's Just Not That Into You (the movie is good, the book should be required reading for every girl Junior High and up)

Moulin Rouge

Persuasion

Mona Lisa Smile

The Office (yes we cheer for Jim and Pam, but think about the Pam/Roy relationship and why that didn't work out, and then think about how pissed you were at that guy Pam went to school with in NYC when the Pam/Jim relationship was surviving via phone)

Devdas

Across the Universe

Something's Gotta Give

Adam's Rib

Because I Said So

think of any relationship you have been in or seen among your acquaintances

The list could go on indefinitely.

Really, the finding and keeping of love is so difficult without the added drama of these mistakes. Be kind to yourself and others.

Shalom