If there's one thing I know about myself it's that I'm a worrier. (Wait, have I mentioned that?) It's also really hard for me to come out of a funk once I fall in. When depressing, or I should say despairing thoughts take hold, I find them difficult to shake loose. Take my job situation for example.
I don't have one.
Having been married for just over 2 months now and having lived in the big city for almost as long, I have been searching, and searching, and searching for work. I'm OCD about checking job search engines. I'm sick of applying, sicker still of seeing my options disappear.
It's not just about the financial strain, though G-d knows it's a factor. It's the not having a purpose for my day part. Or the part about not leaving the house and staying in my pjs all the time. Each day is a repeat of the day before. Each day my confidence takes a hit. Each day brings me closer to the fear of something really bad happening if I don't find something soon. Or worse, I will settle for something that kills my soul but pays the bills. And every offer of "Don't worry, something will turn up, G-d has a plan" starts to sound like some trite solution the Employed offer to the Unemployed when things get uncomfortable. (No offense meant to the dear friends who have been trying to encourage me.)
On top of all this I am alone for most of the day. Zach is working, in a great job which (thankfully) he really enjoys. And I am so, so very happy for him. But that leaves me alone with my darkest thoughts for the majority of my time. So here's another tip. One that I tell myself over and over.
Get out of your own head.
It can be a very dangerous place to be. I, and many others, have been known to dwell there for weeks on end. It's very lonely, very grim, and very frightening. When you give into panicked emotions you are not thinking clearly so best to just get out of there.
People tend to shut others out at times like this. I know I do.
Don't.
Whatever your situation, whatever you are facing, whatever ugly ending is scaring you shitless, don't face it alone. Get out of your head, your house, and have a good conversation with someone. Watch a movie at a friend's. Cook dinner together. Don't give into the feeling that you just want to be left alone or you're not up for it.
Get up for it.
Literally out of bed, out of pjs, out the door. (But replacing pjs with clothes please.)
If nothing else, watch a Disney movie. As a friend once told me, you can't be down when you're watching a Disney movie. After all...
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come shining through
No matter how your heart is grieving,
If you keep on dreameeming*
The dreams that you wish
Will...come...true....
*new translation courtesy of 2 year old me*
I don't have one.
Having been married for just over 2 months now and having lived in the big city for almost as long, I have been searching, and searching, and searching for work. I'm OCD about checking job search engines. I'm sick of applying, sicker still of seeing my options disappear.
It's not just about the financial strain, though G-d knows it's a factor. It's the not having a purpose for my day part. Or the part about not leaving the house and staying in my pjs all the time. Each day is a repeat of the day before. Each day my confidence takes a hit. Each day brings me closer to the fear of something really bad happening if I don't find something soon. Or worse, I will settle for something that kills my soul but pays the bills. And every offer of "Don't worry, something will turn up, G-d has a plan" starts to sound like some trite solution the Employed offer to the Unemployed when things get uncomfortable. (No offense meant to the dear friends who have been trying to encourage me.)
On top of all this I am alone for most of the day. Zach is working, in a great job which (thankfully) he really enjoys. And I am so, so very happy for him. But that leaves me alone with my darkest thoughts for the majority of my time. So here's another tip. One that I tell myself over and over.
Get out of your own head.
It can be a very dangerous place to be. I, and many others, have been known to dwell there for weeks on end. It's very lonely, very grim, and very frightening. When you give into panicked emotions you are not thinking clearly so best to just get out of there.
People tend to shut others out at times like this. I know I do.
Don't.
Whatever your situation, whatever you are facing, whatever ugly ending is scaring you shitless, don't face it alone. Get out of your head, your house, and have a good conversation with someone. Watch a movie at a friend's. Cook dinner together. Don't give into the feeling that you just want to be left alone or you're not up for it.
Get up for it.
Literally out of bed, out of pjs, out the door. (But replacing pjs with clothes please.)
If nothing else, watch a Disney movie. As a friend once told me, you can't be down when you're watching a Disney movie. After all...
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come shining through
No matter how your heart is grieving,
If you keep on dreameeming*
The dreams that you wish
Will...come...true....
*new translation courtesy of 2 year old me*
:)
ReplyDeleteYou know what Ryan Gosling did after he finished filming The Notebook? He got a job at a deli. Making sandwiches. Fun stuff, I know. When asked about it, he said something like "Every man needs a job. If everyone in Hollywood had a big pile of rocks in the back yard and spent all day moving them from one side of the yard to the other, it would be a better place."
ReplyDeleteMy advice: find a hobby. If you can't find a real job, go deliver pizzas. You'll make better money than McDonald's and you'll still be doing something with your life.
I've started taking my computer and applying for jobs at Starbucks. It's still stressful, but it's nice being around PEOPLE, and not the four lonely walls of your bedroom.
ReplyDeleteI graduated in May and all summer I have been having to find a way to respond to..."Congratulations on graduating!! What are you doing now??"
um..living with my parents. AWESOME.
anyway, I'm hopefully going to start nannying during the day. I get to be around kids and study for the GRE to go back to school during their nap time.
If you are interested you should try Care.com.
but really I'm messaging you to say thank you for the writing this. because now I know I am not alone.
You should do what I do. I make sure I do something awesome everyday! Of course I don't have extremely high standards when it comes to awesome, but it does keep me from going absolutely crazy!!!
ReplyDeleteps- today is Tell A Joke Day,so . . .
ReplyDeleteThere's this Wizard who worked in a factory. Everything was satisfactory except that miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following sign: "This parking space belongs to the Wizard. ... Violators will be toad."
ha, ha. punny!
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI really understand how you feel. Right now I am nannying for a family (just started on Friday) but the kids go back to school next week and then I'm down to 3 hours in the afternoon. Which is fine but it's not going to put food in my refrigerator. (Or buy me a new refrigerator, because ours has suddenly stopped keeping food cold. Boo) Nannying does help though if you get a nice family. And people asking questions is the other thing. I used to be able to say I'm a teacher (to which the response would be either appreciation or people thinking I'm crazy. Now the response is sympathy). Now what do I say?
Dear StrayKat,
Excellent idea. I have a better one. Howz about you move to the big city so we can tell each other punny jokes (I really liked that one btw) and do awesome things every day all the time? M'kay? Good.