one hour

I think if I can manage to power through that I'll be able to watch the sunrise, something I haven't had the pleasure of for over a year. Not that I can remember anyway. I realize that I haven't been writing much lately. The truth is I have little to report and even less that is going on inside my head that feels the need to get out.

Which is odd. Normally there is a ton going on on the inside. As I've told my mom before I am an iceberg. What's the percentage? You only see 10% or something? I forget.

I know I'm at a strange point in my life when even my thoughts get smaller. I'm sure it will pick up soon. School ends this week, summer, summer camp, wedding planning, sleeping late. Summer is generally a big time of change in my life. We'll see.

It actually feels strange to be alone. Zach has been here all day, almost since I woke up. He left a few hours ago. August is going to be excruciating I can tell. He goes back to school and I stay here. He's been here 2 weeks and I'm already spoiled. And so I have nothing new to write about. I'm just waiting for the sun to come up. I may read, though I haven't been in the mood lately and it might be counterproductive. It might make me sleep.

I bought eggos at Walmart today. Eggos. I haven't eaten an eggo in years. I know I had them sometimes when I was a kid and it wasn't my favorite or anything. But today when Zach and I went to the store we happened to walk down that aisle and I wanted some. Do you ever get struck by a desire to eat something you had when you were a kid? Like Fruit Stripe Gum? Or Fruit Roll-ups? Or Rice Krispies.

Jello.

This is me trying to make my thoughts stretch for an hour until the sun arrives. You really don't have to keep reading.

My house is not very clean. You know that your work life is in bad shape when you don't even keep your house clean. Unless you aren't a tidy person and therefore the difference cannot be told either way. I however, am a usually tidy person.

Did you see that? Am A Usually Tidy Person. An A came before a word beginning with a vowel and I'm pretty sure it's right. probably because Usually was modifying the phrase Tidy Person and there's a rule about that happening. Am An Usually just doesn't sound right. If you say it out loud it sounds like "Am a NOOsually" at least, that's what it sounds like when I say it out loud in my head. I could never be an editor. I don't know all the rules, I just follow them, most of the time. My mom is always correcting my stuff for me and I have this weird thing with commas.

But back to cleanliness. Aside from stacks (a not-so-tidy habit that I share with my mom from our trailer days where we stack papers, magazines, cds, and other random stuff in piles all over available flat surfaces to be dealt with later) my apartment is usually put together. The past month or semester or so...not so much. Zach says it's not bad. Comparatively it is not except by my own standards. By no means am I a Monica but I can't stand clutter. I can't even do anything in my room if my bed isn't made. Lately that's the only thing I've been able to keep up with. Swish! The comforter covers the untidy sheets and I can make my way in the world. Dishes, laundry, dustballs? I'll get around to them.

It's just that right now I'm a worn out, throw in the towel and leave it on the floor, who cares if it needs to be washed and put away I don't feel like it right now, end of first year, public school teacher.

Who is yawning. Oi.

Come on sun.

After previewing, publishing, and re-editing for the past half hour or so I think this post is done.

I can hear the birds.