Parallel Universe Me

So let me tell you about that one exception on etsy.

Eight months ago I ordered my wedding dress from a seller on etsy. I was excited, I loved the dress and I went for it.

Four months later I discovered that the seller had disappeared, along with my money, and I did not have a dress after all.

Now, 5 months after that, the reality of the situation hit me. Smack in the face. It broke my nose and made me cry. Because I just spent about an hour talking myself down from a panic attack when I realized that I've let it happen again. I didn't realize what I really wanted until it was too late and now I'm stuck with something else. It's not the first time this has happened.

I've never thought of myself as high maintenance, in fact I strive not to be. So when I got engaged I promised myself that I would not be like the brides on television. You know, the ones who terrorize everyone around them and demand the whole world jump through fiery hoops for their amusement. And when my first dress disappeared I didn't get upset. There was nothing I could do about it so I moved on. I found another dress. I bought it, loved it, and my grandmother is in the middle of altering it. Life didn't stop.

Until tonight.

When I randomly found another dress on etsy much like my first choice and for less money than I paid for my current dress. Suddenly, I wanted that dress. I had to have it. The dress hanging in my mawmaw's spare bedroom was second rate and I felt totally jipped by the universe. I stormed through the possibilities of ditching my dress for this one but without hope. I am stuck in a wedding dress that is not my dream dress. Somewhere in a parallel universe, Other Me got the dress I wanted.

I hate her.

Parallel Universe Me went to a different college. A pretty college with real hills (not man-made mounds), beautiful buildings and renowned professors. She studied something exciting like writing or architecture or how to save the environment. She made different friends. She doesn't have a sister. She doesn't have a family in Louisiana. She doesn't have my friends, some of the best friends she could ever hope to find. Oh and student loans. She has a lot of those.

Parallel Universe Me didn't work at Cho-Yeh. Her life was easier and had more air-conditioning. She didn't find her brother again. She didn't meet some of the other best friends a girl could ask for. She didn't get to have my 2-weekers 5 years in a row.

Parallel Universe Me didn't become a teacher. She's not stressed out about her job and she doesn't hate waking up in the morning. She moved to another country and got to see the world. But not my parents. She doesn't get to see them much. And she didn't get to teach my kids. Or dance with them at the Halloween dance. Or get hugs from them everyday.

Parallel Universe Me married some other guy that she fell in love with too soon. She stuck it out in a bad relationship and convinced herself it was what she wanted. They're getting married soon. And she's wearing my dress. She doesn't get to marry Zach. She doesn't get the next 76 years of her life with the man of my dreams.

Parallel Universe Me might be happy but she's a different kind of happy. I like my happy.

She can keep the dress.