Lent Ended, the clouds parted, G-d looked down and said "muah...ha...ha..."

He is so ironic. His comedic timing is spot on. The day before Lent was officially over my hard drive crashed. I just spent a week without a computer.

So needless to say this week has been... interesting.

I was PMSing pretty hardcore on Tuesday (i love my boyfriend, he was there for me, and also a shout out to my mom and katrina) when had a pms panic attack about the current state of my life. which breaks down into 3 parts:

stress at work

financial duress

loneliness

The first half of this week was awful. The second half was great.

I'm not sure what changed (besides my topsy-turvy hormones).

I still feel like I'm never going to be a good grown-up. And I don't mean that in the cute Peter Pan kind of way. I mean the adult world is biting my head off. There are so many days when being an adult makes me feel as big as a kinder-gardener and all I want to do is cry that the big bad world is being mean to me. Sometimes I wish I could crawl back into childhood or at least grow some armor over my skin. But skin it remains, susceptible to burning, capable of bleeding out.

Right now I'm just trying to make it to the end of the school year. Waiting for summer, waiting for camp. I know how to do camp. I might not be the most energetic, outgoing counselor we have but at least I understand my place at camp. There is room to breathe at camp and girls that have influenced me in so many profound ways that I can only pray to be the kind of "grown-up" they would want to emulate.

Incredible to think that other girls I graduated from high school with are already married and raising families and have been for years.

Do they feel like adults? I should ask my parents when they felt like they were grown-ups. Capable grown-ups. I'm almost a quarter of a century old, so where's the on button?

On a lighter note (hahaha it's punny, you'll soon know why) I did find this on youtube and it is awesome! Meet one of my favorite bands singing my favorite song with just a guitar and her voice:

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Hopefully now that I'm back with my computer I'll be able to write more often.

Shalom