You're probably wondering

So why am I doing this?

Are any of those thing inherently bad? (Some might argue yes but I disagree). They're not bad but they're a major roadblock to my real goal.

This year's Mantra: If you really wanted to, you'd be doing it.

Giving up Media serves a twofold purpose.

1. to take away most of the influences that confuse what I really want.

2. to take away the possible crutch of Media.

Let me explain. No there is too much, let me sum up...(please tell me you got the reference?)

Typical day: wake up, spend morning doing routine things to prepare for work all while thinking how much I hate getting up early/planning my day around the nap I'll be taking asap, go to work, come home from work, get on internet, take that nap, watch tv, eat something, shower, talk on phone, watch movie, go to sleep.

Over and over and over.

I watch movies and read blogs about people who travel, and cook, and write, and create things, and ______ fill in the blank. And do you know what I'm thinking?

Wow I wish I had a garden, knew how to cook, had that wardrobe, had that job, had that hair, had that experience, did that thing.

I've spent my time accumulating dreams of my perfect life from all the songs, movies, books and I've done practically none of them. I'd rather sit on my couch watching fake people live the life I want than really living the life I want.

If tv and movies were true to life then everyone would be watching characters watching tv and going to movies and playing video games. Then maybe we'd all turn it off and actually do something.

So I'm removing the roadblock and crutch of Media.

If I really wanted to have a garden, I'd grow one. If I really wanted to be a writer, I'd write. If I really wanted to learn Spanish and French and Portuguese, I'd learn them.

Or do I just want to be percieved as an eccentric, cultured person who gardens, writes, and speaks multiple languages? Do I want it because it's something I really want or because I want you to think I'm awesome? Hello ego.

Take the example of cooking. Like most of the really cool things Dream Me can do, in my head I take my face and put it on Amy Adams body in Julie&Julia and watch a movie where I can really cook! my brain computes this as: "I wish i could cook" or sometimes even prefers this to the reality of learning a new recipe.

There are 37 days until Lent. I'm preparing for it now. By holding myself accountable and getting to the root of what I really want and then doing it.

Because if I don't...it's going to be really quiet and boring around here for 46 days.