Lent Day 10: What the Danes know I get from the Swedes and the Dutch

I read a news article a few weeks ago when I was interested in finding out more about happiness. That's right, happiness. The peaceful, fizzy feeling on your insides that makes you smile at everything and everybody.

We all know that money doesn't buy happiness (neither can it buy you love, thanks Paul for clearing that up). Health is nice but doesn't guarantee you're heart will be full of good cheer, only that it will pump blood longer.

Everyone has their own version of what makes them happy. According to Moulin Rouge! the theme has got to be Freedom Beauty Truth and Loooooooove (sorry, I started singing it in my head). Thoreau might argue that you've got to live simply and get into nature to find the H-word. Christians would say the keys are Faith, Hope, and Love (the greatest of these being Love, thanks other Paul for clearing that up).

I found this interesting:

http://www.paltelegraph.com/opinions/editorials/1480-danish-study-low-expectations-key-to-happiness

If you don't feel like reading it, basically it's an article about a study finding that the happiest nation (Denmark) has low expectations. Thus they are pleasantly surprised when things go well. I would have to take that a step further to say the more it takes to make you happy the less happy you'll probably be.

I guess you could sum up my ideaology with this motto: Faith, Beauty, Moderation, and Love.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Faith is a key ingredient to happiness, but not necessarily the Christian faith. I know a lot of un or semi-happy Christians (and a lot of super-happy ones too) but there are also a lot of happy Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims etc. Faith is not a vehicle of happiness but rather gives meaning and purpose to our lives. Without meaning there can be no joy.

I'm going to lump these next two together because I think they need each other. Beauty and Moderation need to go hand in hand. There are some people in the world who will only be satisfied if they have the finest of everything. The biggest houses, cars, most fashionable clothes, gadgets, friends, etc. Then there are those who think that living in the poorest conditions, getting out of the rat race as it were and going down to the barest minimum is the way to find true happiness. I think that Moderation is key.

By all means, take yourself out of the rat race. Get rid of all the excess that clogs up your life and be free of the need for more. But consider that most people require some level of comfort in their lives in order to be happy. I don't have a lot of furniture and for a while I was sitting and eating my meals on the floor. But now I have a couch, a table and some chairs. They were all from Ikea or a flea market but they're comfortable. It doesn't take a mountain of gold to have a comfortable home. All it takes is an eye to see beauty.

Squalor and depravity does nothing for the human heart. Beauty in the everyday, in simple ways is a must. I bought those tulips at Walmart for 10 dollars. I've picked flowers from a ditch before that were magnificent. When I have a bad day I go buy me some Swedish Fish for a dollar.

Swedish Fish always cheer me up. They're made by the same company that makes Sour Patch Kids (love love love) and they're basically the Red Sour Patch Kids without the sour.

The point is you've got to bring beauty into your life and find small things that bring you happiness. No matter what conditions you live in. Maybe we should send flower seed packets to third world countries along with food and medical supplies.

Love is self-explanatory. You've got to have someone to talk to, listen to, joke with, cry with, and get pissed at. You've got to be connected. There are songs that say that God is all we need and he is enough. I don't think that's really true. I think that we think it should be true. I think God saw that it was not good for man to be alone so he created Eve. That isn't to say that marriage will bring happiness and fulfillment but that relationships do.

Shalom

It Wasn’t the End of the World

But it is now the end of the year. Friday night (12/21/12) Zach and I ate our “last meal” and watched Armageddon. Now I’m reflecting on previous posts about what I hoped to accomplish this year. Sidenote: Armageddon is a ridiculous movie. I love watching it, and yes, I shed a few tears, but geez the explosions and small town America symbolism are oozing from this film. Also, I will always love the song I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing. Forever.

As I looked back on the year I was able to do everything I hoped, basically. Grew my hair out, check, got back into the classroom, check, moved closer to work, check, got a bike, check (riding it wasn’t actually on the list, so it happens sporadically). I watched all the movies I wanted to see, read over 70 books, went to workshops, and in the end, I’ve decided for the time being I don’t need a camera when I have Instagram on my phone because it makes everything look awesome.

If anyone is wondering how on earth I managed to read over 70 books since last January 1st there were two ingredients essential to my success: my severe underemployment for the majority of the year and my possession of a library card.

There are some things I attempted and let go of that I need to pick back up. Like finishing my Spanish course on LiveMocha (I got all the way to Unit 2 of Level 4, the highest level, before burning out). I also learned the majority of the Hebrew Alphabet and could read substantial amounts of text (with about 8% understanding of what I was reading) but as they say, I didn’t continue using it so I lost it. That’s a paraphrase, they don’t actually say that.

I also memorized the capitals and countries of Europe, Asia, North and South America and then Africa stumped me. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I never even got to Australia. So I need to pick that back up too. This time I’m just going to stick to countries and capitals and leave off the rivers, water bodies, and mountain ranges. It was a bit much.

Did this in Christine seem ambitious? Yes, yes it did.

So 2012 proved to be a year of many successes and some disappointments. I’m sure it was the same for you and it will be the same for all of us next year. But I want to end on a high note.

In 2012 I was really good at being Zach’s wife. We really like each other, and it’s awesome.

In 2012 I didn’t give up, I took the initiative, pounded the pavement, and got myself a job.



In 2012 I made new friends. And we all know friends are what get you through the day.

In 2012 we got our first Christmas tree and made homemade ornaments. I also carved my first pumpkin for Halloween.



In 2012 I was loved by my amazing friends and family, which really helped a lot.

In 2012 I bought a trench coat (on sale!) and I feel classy every time I wear it.

In 2012 I was accepted into a Montessori teacher training program. I didn’t begin the program because I got a public school job instead, but knowing I got accepted feels pretty good.

In 2012 I learned to bake bread from scratch, and it’s quite delicious if I do say so myself. Must make more.

In 2012 I visited Donalyn Miller’s classroom and she is fantastic.

In 2012 I started drinking water all the time. And I drink tea now, which is a big deal for me.

In 2012 I learned a great deal about myself. A very great deal.



So there’s my 12 of ‘12. I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year!

Let’s Break the Silence with Something Worth Talking About

I have been called a music snob. Actually I’m a snob about a lot of things. But yes, when it comes to music I have certain lines I won’t cross. Justin Bieber is one of those lines. I fail to see the draw. Even Zach gives him credit for selling out Madison Square Garden in 22 minutes, but I can’t give the kid props for mob mentality and a prevalent lack of musical taste in our culture.

Then some friends got me to listen to “As Long As You Love Me”.

(Haven’t heard it? Check it out.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-FVihIlU2g

I’ll admit, the beat is catchy. It’s fun to drive to. It’s also fun to think about. Take the chorus for example.

As long as you love me, we could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke. As long as you love me, I’ll be your platinum, I’ll be your silver, I’ll be your gold.

See? Catchy. As long as I love Justin Bieber, he’ll be my everything. He’ll be like gold to me. Indeed. But what about ME Justin? What about me? Will I be your everything? Am I worth more than platinum to you? *Hint: This song is not about him being loving you at all*

But, you may say, that’s not what he means. He’s going to “be your soldier, fightin’ every minute of the day for your dreams girl”. (First line, second verse. Don’t ask me what the rest of the verse is talking about. What the heck is a Hova? And why are you bringing Destiny’s Child into this?")

Back to the “soldier/fighting for your dreams girl” part. I thought the recent push, since I dunno, 1848, was for women to fight for their own dreams? Most women don’t want to be Cinderella, they don’t want to have to wait around for a guy to do something either. Not that I don’t love fairy tales, I just don’t want to live in one. (Unless I get a sword.)

*I have to give “Big Sean” credit for actually complimenting women in his part of the song. I like the part about watering your grass.*

So while I might enjoy driving to this song after a long day when I don’t want to think about anything, I’m not so sure I would want my daughter listening to it. I’d rather pop in the Mulan soundtrack. And don’t even get me started on the other lines I won’t cross, like Miley Cyrus or the literary fallacies of Taylor Swift (let’s face it, Helen Keller could pin the tail on that donkey.) I’ll never be listening to their music long enough to reach a conclusion.

Like, never ever ever.

I did it again

You might roll your eyes, that’s okay, go ahead…

If Bollywood did The Lord of the Rings…


I think we all know who would be playing Gandalf.

                                               
                                                            Like it could be anyone else.

For Aragorn, Farharn Aktar, I’d like to see him do a mysterious and serious warrior/king role.
                                               

Rajesh Vivek is perfect for Gimli.
                                                   

and Kunal Kapoor would make an awesome Legolas, plus he’s already really tall.
                                                 

For Boromir and Faramir, Saif Ali Khan and Ranbir Kapoor, respectively.
           

And Salman Khan playing Denethor (Steward of Gondor, their dad)
                                           

Theoden, King of Rohan, played by Rishi Kapoor
                                         
I would love to hear him make the speech from Helm’s Deep, when they go to make their last stand.

I think Akshay Kumar would make a fantastic Eomer, strong, warrior, big brother.
                             
And for Eowyn, Anoushka Sharma would be amazing! I’d love to watch her transform from sadness and loneliness to killing the Witch King. I AM NO MAN!

Grima Wormtongue would be played by Milind Gunaji, if you’ve seen him in Devdas you know why.
                                                

Jackie Shroff would make a good Saruman
                                        

And for the elves, Madhuri Dixit for Galadriel. I just love her.
                                               

Aamir Khan for Elrond
                                                      

And Amrita Rao for Arwyn, because she is the epitome of loveliness and this picture was what got me thinking about casting LOTR Bollywood style.
                       

Finally, for the hobbits, these guys are all great actors.
          

   Madhavan as Sam                         Abhay Deol as Merry              Sharman Joshi       
                                                                                                                   as Pippin

And the wild card, because I’ve only seen him in one movie but I think he would be interesting
                                               
Vir Das as Frodo AND Gollum. Partly because I think it would be interesting for him as an actor to tackle both roles and partly because of his voice in Dehli Belly after he’s almost hung reminds me of Gollum.

I tried to use new people for most of the roles, though there are a few repeats from my “If Bollywood Did Twilight” post. You may agree or disagree with my casting but I just like to play around with it when I’m bored or need distraction.

Oh yeah and I’m a tremendous nerd…

Christine and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Year (I think I’ll move to New Zealand)

I’ve decided I’m just going to write this and then when I’m finished maybe I’ll post it. We’ll see. If you’re reading this now then obviously I decided to post, so this entire paragraph is merely to demonstrate my hesitancy to share my deepest darkest secrets with the entire world via the internet.

I’m a very private person so it’s hard for me to open up like this but here it is:

I need a miracle.

Which sounds drastic I know. There are worse problems out there but this one is mine. It’s not a matter of life and death but I don’t care, this is the most important thing right now. God I’m already crying.

I can honestly say that this past year has been one of the hardest years of my life. Ironically our one year anniversary is this coming Monday but I am so blessed to say that being married to Zach has been the greatest gift. Somehow we’ve made it through.

You know I haven’t had a job this past year. Well, I’ve had a nanny job in the afternoons but while I love the kids I can’t afford to stay with them. And it’s more than a little degrading to think that I’m went to college and got a teaching degree and now I’m doing a job that any high schooler with a drivers license is capable of. I’m really, really good at my job, but I need a reliable, full time job.

I’m not sure I can put into words the psychological and emotional effects of not being able to take care of yourself, when you know you’re capable if you could just have the chance. If you’ve ever experienced this then you know and if you haven’t then you don’t. I am so tired of relying on others. And while I am so incredibly thankful to them I want us to be able to do it ourselves. I won’t go into a lot of detail, but I’ll give you one example. This past Christmas, a very generous someone gave me a 50 dollar gift card. The old me would have used it to enjoy a night out or, I don’t know, buy a book or something. We used it to buy our groceries that week.

This inability to provide for our own needs has taken it’s toll on both of us. For me it’s been hard to come to grips with the loss of purpose to my day, the hours of nothing that needs taking care of. I can’t even enjoy summer vacation because I haven’t been working enough to need it. I see this summer stretch out like a vast chain of days with no end in sight. And if I don’t get a job for next Fall, I’m terrified that this year will repeat itself. I’ve applied to nearly 100 jobs so far and haven’t heard back from a single one yet. That’s teaching jobs this year, not to mention the countless non-teaching jobs I applied for, jobs that I’m either over qualified for or don’t have enough experience for.

I don’t want hand outs. I just want a job. I want financial freedom for our family. Have you ever wanted something so badly that your whole body focused on it? Like trying to stop a loved one from dying or a heart from breaking and you’ve done all you can but you’re helpless? That’s the only thing I can think to compare this to.

I want to assure everyone that I’m not depressed. I don’t sit around crying all day and I have had some very good times this past year. I try to focus on the good stuff. But although I’ve made the best of it this year has been hell and I am stuck in limbo.

So I just have one request. If you’ve managed to read this whole thing and if you are a person who believes in prayer, please pray for 2 things:

1. Please pray that I get a teaching job for this fall. I’ve applied to several good schools I just want the chance to get back in the classroom.

2. Pray also for our housing situation. If I get a teaching job there is an opportunity for us that I think will be a major breakthrough. I don’t want to go into details yet but G-d knows what it is.

If you don’t pray but you wouldn’t mind sending some happy thoughts and good vibes our way I’d appreciate that too.

I have my heart set on certain dreams and I’m trying not to get my hopes up but damn, it would be nice to have something to look forward to.

I really do appreciate anyone who’s read this entire post. The introvert in me is screaming not to publish because I have an extreme aversion to asserting myself or sharing my feelings, but I’m beyond that right now.

I feel like I should end on a good note or something. So I'll share with you my desktop background. Ask me what I think Heaven looks like and I’ll tell you, “Probably New Zealand.”

         
This picture was taken by Trey Ratcliff. His website is stuckincustoms.com, and you should check out his photography. I didn’t get paid to say that I just like his work.


**It took me about 5 minutes to come up with a (barely, slightly clever) title for this post, and since I wrote the post first and then titled it, no, I didn’t know the title would end up tying it all together nicely but in a jovial way that doesn’t really give a hint of it's true contents. It is what it is.**